“Listening is a way of loving silently. If you really listen, in deep silence, you can hear the advice that your heart gives you.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
The quote above for me pretty much sums up what listening is, especially in the therapeutic setting. In the humanistic approach to psychology, listening is a fundamental instrument in the relationship with the client. Rogers defined it as a sacred experience, which he called Active Listening. Through this, he tried to fill the void created by the therapeutic world, where there was more of a tendency to want to see the other from a theory. He understood that what was really missing was listening to the other unconditionally and understanding him from the bond created in the therapeutic relationship. On a personal level, I noticed this when I was in training and realized the traps I fell into when I thought I was listening and what I was really doing was interpreting what the other person was saying from my own mind. That is to say, I was listening to myself more than to the other person.
Active listening is more than simply hearing the words being said; It is an act of total presence, a delicate dance of attention and empathy that can transform relationships, facilitate deep understanding, and promote healing.
What is active listening?
Active listening is listening with all our senses, being fully present and committed to the moment and the person speaking to us. It goes beyond the physical act of hearing, encompassing genuine attention to what is being communicated, both in words and in underlying feelings and thoughts.
Active listening can be exercised in both the professional and personal spheres. On a personal level, it strengthens relationships by making loved ones feel valued and understood. In the professional, it improves collaboration and reduces misunderstandings. In the therapeutic context, it is a powerful tool for change and healing, as it allows the therapist to truly understand the client’s experience.
Main characteristics of Active Listening
Complete Presence: Start by being physically and mentally present. This may mean turning off electronic devices or taking notes if that helps you focus. The key is to eliminate distractions to fully immerse yourself in the listening experience.
Empathy: Active listening is deeply empathetic. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, understanding their perspective and feelings without judgment. This does not mean agreeing, but simply accepting what the other is expressing as their experience.
Mirroring and Paraphrasing: A useful technique is to mirror what the speaker is saying. This not only shows that you are listening, but also helps clarify and better understand the message. Paraphrase with phrases like “What I hear is…” or “Do you mean that…?” It can be very enlightening.
Open Questions: Asking questions that require a more elaborate response than a simple yes or no encourages deeper exploration and shows genuine interest in what the other person has to say.
Emotional Regulation: Learning to manage your own emotional reactions is crucial. This means acknowledging your own judgments or reactions without allowing them to interfere with your ability to listen.
Practice Constantly: Like any skill, active listening improves with practice. Look for opportunities to practice in your daily life, whether with friends, family, or colleagues.
My Thoughts
Active listening is a tremendous tool that I believe every therapist, integrator, and facilitator should at least explore. It is what really establishes that bridge of connection with the other. For me, it has been a personal challenge to learn to listen and continue developing this activity. Breathing and learning to step aside to receive the other, trying to eliminate any filter or thoughts that may interfere. It is a complex challenge, a skill that is developed over the years, but essential to be able to begin a process of support and healing towards others. By Anthony Tate on .
Exported from Medium on May 23, 2024.
